The Black Dog

The black dog crept in and took up residence today.
I couldn’t get out of bed til 4 pm.
I just couldn’t find it in me.
I was so miserable and sad.
So I slept all day.
Everytime I woke,I rolled over and went back to sleep.
Now I feel drugged and kind of not really here.

I hate the black dog.

I wish he would go away.

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One of those days.

Today is one of those days.
A day where you have the best intentions but it all goes to hell.
I set my alarm so I could do some baking.
It went off and I just couldn’t face the thought of getting out of bed.
So I rolled over and went back to sleep
There is a heavy weight in my chest and I am sighing a lot.
There are many things I want to do.

I want to sew up to gorgeous shrug I have knitted. I want to sew up the hedgehog I have knitted. I want to block a couple of shawls. I want to make some pizza muffins for the girls for school. I want to make some coconut bread. I want do some research of dietary effects on fibromyalgia.

But I just can’t get up the energy or the enthusiasm to do anything.

I count the day as a success if I have gotten out of bed and had a shower before 12 noon.
I hate the black dog that follows me around and is present more days than it is missing.
I hate that I feel like this.

I want to crawl into a hole and stay there.forever.

Inspection

Tomorrow is our 6 monthly rental inspection

These things make me ill.

The house was scrubbed within an inch of itself last week and tomorrow will just be the last minute things

Hubby has taken the day off so I can leave with the ahem “illegal critters” shhhhhhhhh

I can’t stand being here when she is here as the woman drives me bonkers. I have no idea how she holds down a job. She mixes up dates and information. Not professional at all and she had the cheek in her last email to tell me off for called her Ms xxxx as it was “too formal”.

I hate that these people can stroll through your house poking and wiping their fingers along things,like they own the place.

We have never failed an inspection but I still hate them. My stomach is filled with butterflies. I strongly doubt we will be evicted but the threat is always there.

We did own a house a long time ago,well the bank owned it and we were paying it off. We used the money from the sale to fund all our IVF attempts. The 3 results now live with us. Totally worth it but I long to own a house. To be able to paint the walls the colours I like and to be able to hang as many pictures as we like without having to beg for permission. To not cringe every single time someone hits a wall or makes a mark on the carpet.

If you can,send out some good thoughts 2.30-3.30pm nsw time tomorrow. They will be greatly appreciated.

This

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This,up here is the reason behind today going to hell in a hand basket.
I woke about 6am to go to the loo,swung my legs over the side of the bed and as my feet hit the floor,there was pain.

Oh boy was there pain,but the call of the loo was too great to ignore,so I hobbled up the hall to the loo.

There hadn’t been much sleep either,only going to sleep about 2 am so I made the decision to cancel my chiro appt. I sent a text to hubby to get him to cancel it so I could go back to sleep in the vague hope my ankle would have clicked back into position.

Alas this was not to be,I woke much later,still in a lot of pain. I decided a shower would be stupid so I put my clothes on and strapped my ankle,firmly,very firmly.

So today will be spent sitting down a lot,watching a bit of tele and knitting.
This dear friends,is why making plans is so bloody hard.

Spoons.

I wish there was some kind of app that could track spoons. How many you have for each day and it should know how spoons value can change. What is worth one spoon today could be worth two or even three spoons tomorrow.
It would need to predict your energy levels and change the spoons value accordingly. It should also have a warning alarm when you are approaching the end of your spoons for the day.

Of course this app is never going to exist. There are way too many variables.

On Saturday we had a big house clean as the ‘dreaded inspection’ is due this week. Nothing huge to do,just lots of little jobs that fall by the wayside every week.
I tidied two chest of drawers in the bedroom,tidied my pile of books beside the bed,sorted out my coffee/knitting table. Not a lot really,in the great scheme of things, unless you have fibro.

Sunday morning saw me waking at 8am with a million tiny gremlins banging away with hammers inside my head. A migraine, what a great reward for helping clean up. I took one dose of maxalt and a grabbed a bowl and went back to bed. Hubby woke not long after,took one look at the bowl and said “uh oh”. I woke a couple of times and spoke Swahili to my hubby and went back to sleep. I took another dose of maxalt and finally emerged from my coma like sleep about 5pm.
I was very shaky and could only stomach a cup of tea.

I obviously overdid my spoons for the day in a big way. I hate having to deal with spoons.

A day out.

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Saturday morning miss Annie and I got up early to go to the craft show. We packed out lunches and put on our most comfortable shoes and off we went.
It was about an hours drive,there wasn’t too much traffic so we chatted as I drove. We arrived about 30 mins before the doors opened so we could have a cuppa before we went in. We planned this so we got a little break before facing the crowds.
Watching people is a funny thing,a mum with 2 little girls,also having a cuppa. A sweet toddler,with the most gorgeous auburn curls was followed faithfully by her slightly older sister wherever she toddled. Lots of resigned older gentlemen there with their wives,which was lovely to see.
Lots of people stood in line,anxiously waiting to get in. This always amuses me no end…..you are going to be walking all day,why stand in line when you can sit like us,and walk in a couple of minutes later.

Finally the doors opened and people poured in. So many things to look at,it’s like being in a huge lolly shop,so many delicious things to fondle and enjoy.

Miss Annie made some purchases that she was very pleased with as did I. She loves to buy scrapbooking stuff to use to make cards. She got some great bargains and was very chuffed with herself.
I bought a kit to make a silk shrug. Black and magenta. I cast on as soon as we got home! Some delicious yarn to make some shawls and a fine yarn to knit a top that also becomes a shrug. Miss Annie spotted a owl back pack pattern. She convinced me to buy it and make one for her. I haven’t done much sewing lately so it will be nice to dust off the sewing machine. I lingered long over the last stall where they sold stainless steel that you can knit. Sadly I had run out of money but I did take their card.
There were some edible goodies to enjoy. I found a divine raspberry and almond gluten free muffin. I’m always thrilled to find something I can enjoy without worry of bring glutened.
We sat and ate our lunches and did some more people watching. By then we were both tired and out of money so we set off home. It was a fabulous day and we have already made plans for the next one!

A hint of winter

We have spent the last few days cocooned at home. Rain tumbling down outside. A wonderful respite after the long,harsh summer we have endured.

Movies were watched,books read,games played,knitting knitted,nails painted,kitties snuggled and bunnies hugged.

It gave us a small glimpse into what winter may be like and oh,how we all long for it.

It was just the girls and I as hubby had gone away for a weekend. A rare occurrence but something regarded as a bit of a treat as routine went out the window.

There was silly giggling and side splitting laughter,esp after I said ” my ting is tongueling” ,cookies were made and filled the house with the divine smell of baking.

Pies were popped into the oven for the girls for a simple but so enjoyed dinner. I made myself soft,gooey scrambled eggs with tiny pieces of chopped tomato and long slivers of grated cheese. A sprinkling of salt completed it and I enjoyed every single mouthful.

We emerge slowly in the morning,reluctant to leave our cosy beds,finally able to enjoy the weight of the blankets on our legs after many long months of sleeping on top of all the bedding. We stumble into the kitchen,sleepy good mornings are exchanged and the kettle is put on to make that much needed tea and coffee.

As we awake,smelling the aroma of the coffee and tea,we begin to chat. What will we do today? It is still raining and there is no car. Movies are decided upon. Popcorn will be made,it’s buttery scent filling the house,reminiscent of trips to the cinema. We close the curtains and bunker down to watch the chosen movie.

Winter is out there,we can feel it. It is so close. We await it’s coming with joy.