I feel like I am drowning
Totally out of control
Panic rises as the memories come racing through my head.
I almost don’t want to remember as the pain is too great
I see the newborn,the baby,the toddler,the little child
The smiles,the one dimple
The baby soft strawberry blonde hair
I think of all the things I missed
The birthdays,the Christmases,the school performances
Learning to drive,school graduation
The birth of a baby
So many things that I didn’t get to see
My heart is breaking..
I’m scared if I start to cry….I will never stop
Yet my heart feels like it could burst with sadness
This is my life
This is not what I envisioned all those years ago
Not what I expected,not what I hoped for
Sadness pulls me down,threatening to drown me and pull me under
The pull is so strong
Maybe it would be easier to just go down with it.