31st December 2013

I feel like I am drowning

Totally out of control

Panic rises as the memories come racing through my head.

I almost don’t want to remember as the pain is too great

I see the newborn,the baby,the toddler,the little child

The smiles,the one dimple

The baby soft strawberry blonde hair

I think of all the things I missed

The birthdays,the Christmases,the school performances

Learning to drive,school graduation

The birth of a baby

So many things that I didn’t get to see

My heart is breaking..


I’m scared if I start to cry….I will never stop

Yet my heart feels like it could burst with sadness

This is my life

This is not what I envisioned all those years ago

Not what I expected,not what I hoped for

Sadness pulls me down,threatening to drown me and pull me under

The pull is so strong

Maybe it would be easier to just go down with it.

One thought on “31st December 2013

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