31st December 2013

I feel like I am drowning

Totally out of control

Panic rises as the memories come racing through my head.

I almost don’t want to remember as the pain is too great

I see the newborn,the baby,the toddler,the little child

The smiles,the one dimple

The baby soft strawberry blonde hair

I think of all the things I missed

The birthdays,the Christmases,the school performances

Learning to drive,school graduation

The birth of a baby

So many things that I didn’t get to see

My heart is breaking..

Again

I’m scared if I start to cry….I will never stop

Yet my heart feels like it could burst with sadness

This is my life

This is not what I envisioned all those years ago

Not what I expected,not what I hoped for

Sadness pulls me down,threatening to drown me and pull me under

The pull is so strong

Maybe it would be easier to just go down with it.

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22nd December 2013

Well it’s been a long time no blog

We had ….ahem problems with our modem that nearly drove poor DH bonkers
Then we finally caved and bought a new one,it wasn’t what was on the box. We needed a router and a modem but the one we got was only a router. So finally we are back on the air properly!
Lots has happened but I will be brief.

Some gorgeous girls turned 14

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They had a quiet birthday at home. You can see their latest interests by their new shirts.

We put up the tree and Miss Luna was very enamoured with it. She took to chewing it and loving it up. So much so she managed to scratch her eye,which meant a late visit to the vet. Thankfully only some ointment and an anti histamine shot was all that was needed

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There has been lots of knitting including this one for a lovely friend. Ravelled here

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I am at present making a gorgeous shawl in 2 ply!!!!! I never thought I would knit in 2 ply but here we are. The pattern is very simple,all garter stitch but the colours and shaping make it fabulous. Plus it’s so light to knit with in this horrendous heat.

After all our efforts,we have only one poor old apple on our fruit trees,we did have a heap of nectarines but I suspect the cockatoos ate them. The vegie garden did not get a look in this year. The weather has been way too weird so I didn’t end up planting anything. There are some strawberries from last years garden,so we might get some fruit off them.

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Dh has been diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea. I suspected so when I send him off to the doctors. He is trialling some nose patches(very sexy lol) and will probably need another sleep study done and eventually a C-pap machine. He says the patches do help and he wakes feeling much more refreshed.

I have been dealing with a now 11 week headache. My gp sent me for a ct scan to rule out anything nasty. The scan was normal but it did show up nasal polyps. I have upped my migraine preventer meds and if that doesn’t help, I will be trying a steroid nasal spray. At this point I would try anything to get rid of it. I’m completely over it!!!

We had 2 unwelcome guests in the past couple of weeks. Miss Lizzie came screaming out of her bedroom,saying there was a scorpion in her bed. And yes,there was a scorpion in her bed. Neither DH or I even knew we had them in this country, so we all learnt something new. Here endeth the science lesson.

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It was only small,about 5 cm(2 inches) in length..we thought it my be a baby but it seems that’s about how big they grow. They can give a nasty sting and make you very sore for a couple of days. We released this one back into the bush.

Then last night,I noticed something moving under the dining table. At first I thought it was a huntsman spider which we get lots of but no it’s wasn’t a huntsman………it was a funnel web spider

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As you can see,DH caught and we showed it to the girls so they could recognise another one if they saw it. It wasn’t happy and you can see it is in its typical “attack” mode by rearing up on its hind legs. Dh disposed of it safely.

Miss Mary has been bugging me for weeks to buy some waffles. So when I saw a waffle maker on sale at target for only $12 I snapped one up. We made waffles with it and the girls loved them.

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Considering waffles are about $4 a pack,I think it has already paid for itself!

The girls are now on summer holidays for 6 weeks and DH is home for a weeks holiday so ensure he doesn’t get called into work on Boxing Day like he did last year.

So Merry Christmas to everyone. May it be filled with joy and love and some good food. ;).