Depressed

Depression,that’s me

I’m in a hole and really don’t care if I get out

It was my birthday yesterday

I hate it

I hate celebrating but I do it for the girls

I miss my mum especially at this time

Her birthday was 3 weeks after mine and we would often celebrate together

Plus on the 31st is the anniversary of my grandfathers death

We were very close.

We celebrated last Sunday

I got accidentally glutened and had a reaction to preservative

Followed by a massive migraine

I haven’t left the house in the week and I really don’t care

I haven’t cooked or baked

My thought processes are fuzzy and it’s difficult to do anything

Even my knitting is suffering

I have no support system other than my long suffering husband

I’m lonely.

I just want to sleep

I hate this time of year.

Advertisements

The morning after

Today is the morning after

I crawled out of bed at noon,head throbbing,legs weak and a very tender tummy

Yday,special meals were prepared and enjoyed but not long after that last mouthful of cheesecake,came that oh too familiar feeling…..

The nausea ,the shaking,the stomach cramps

I tried so hard to ignore them and keep the contents of my stomach were it was. I didn’t want to insult any of the lovely people who had worked so hard on so many delicious foods.

I paced,trying to distract myself but alas,it didn’t work

The contents of my stomach left me

Causing extreme pain,including one excruciating pain that felt like a lightening bolt passing thorough my chest,head,arms and hands

It left me weak and shaken

Sad eyes looked at me and asked if it was their dish that caused the problem

Fibro takes 5 times the energy to do anything and I believe it causes you to be affected by things 5 times as much

I spent the test of the night shivering and shaking,feeling like a jelly .aching all over but especially my ribs and back where the muscles spent their times threatening to cramp in the most awful way.

I crawled into bed and took a sleeping pill in the hopes of a decent night sleep

It didn’t work

I tossed and turned all night.

So today is the morning after.

I so wish I could simply pop a berocca and a few litres of water and feel well like I used to years ago after a heavy night out.

If only it were that simple

School holidays

The school holidays are almost at a close and as usual I’m sad to see them go.

I thoroughly enjoy my girls company and the things we do together

Lots of things happened these holidays.

Days out,lovely morning teas( including a divine rocky road cheesecake!) bargain buys,laybys for Xmas, movies,nail painting,hair straightening,tears and sadness.

I purchased the learn to drive manual for Miss Lizze. When on earth did they start costing $12!!!!!
Back in my day,they were FREE! I think she was a little shocked at the size of the booklet and all that she had to learn.

There was looking at doona covers as ideas for birthday and as Xmas pressies

20130713-122043.jpg

20130713-122114.jpg

Miss Mary went off to the movies with a friend. Just the 2 of them ,so it involved train timetables and movie times and a large dose of pride in doing it yourself. She had a ball.

Miss Annie was to meet up with a friend at the shops to celebrate said friends birthday. This child’s home situation is unpredictable to say the least so it was with sadness and lots of tears when the meeting was cancelled at the last minute. Rocky road cheesecake did offer some consolation.

I had a brain fart whilst making the lace panel for Miss Mary’s cardigan. It was only when I was blocking it that I realised I had only knitted HALF of it. Oh my…..lol

Here it is in its entirety

20130713-122624.jpg
And a close up

20130713-122712.jpg
Isn’t it lovely? I do love this part of the cardigan.

Luna has been making herself very much at home. She is such a funny kitteh and we love her to bits

20130713-122956.jpg
She has a fascination with wool so much so that I had to give her some of mine to keep her away from my knitting

20130713-123031.jpg
I was lucky enough to win some lovely chokkie

20130713-123213.jpg
It didn’t last long.

Health wise it has been a bit of a roller coaster. I tried the new med Lyrica,from the pain specialist and while it did help,it also rendered me useless for most of the day. I was awake for only about 5-6 hrs per day which was awful so I decided not to take it anymore. I had heard the side effects could be brutal but this was not what I expected.
It also made me rather depressed,yes more than usual,suicidal in fact. So that was another reason to stop taking it.

I had a busy day on Thursday. Nothing huge,just a lot of to-ing and fro-ing . I then had a bad night and ended up sleeping in til 2pm. The girls were great. Miss Mary also slept until 12.30pm.
I have 2 toes that keep dislocating and causing some difficulty in walking. This is in addition to the big toe on the same foot that does the same. The ends of the toes are painful which is nasty.
My hip has also been making its presence felt more than usual

The garden is a bit of a disaster.my first go at growing winter vegies and they aren’t looking too great. Bugga. Never mind there is always next year!

Ethan’s cardigan

I made a cardigan for a friends son,Ethan.

20130709-111046.jpg
The wool is lovely,a deep green with white,cream and brown flecks

20130709-111149.jpg
I ran out of wool and needed to make a mad dash to penrith (our nearest town with a wool shop) and they actually had a ball off the same dye batch! I was very pleased

20130709-111323.jpg
I must say the seaming was a huge pain and seemed to take forever

20130709-111506.jpg
I did originally start a different cardigan for Ethan but my sad little brain couldn’t work it out so I chose a simpler pattern

20130709-111635.jpg
There were many choices for this pattern,including a hood and an all over pattern. I’m pleased with what I did.
The colour of the cardi is more like the first photo. Don’t know what happened to the colour in the other pics.
Ravelled here

Lush-ious

My latest knitting

It started out as a cardigan for Miss Lizzie’s 16th birthday

But sadly it was too small for her but fits Miss Annie perfectly

20130708-114348.jpg
It is unusually constructed. You knit the lace panel first and block it.
Then cast on and knit the top part and the collar. Then you cast on the bottom part of the lace panel and knit the rest of the cardigan.

20130708-114434.jpg

20130708-114715.jpg

20130708-114808.jpg
This pattern pushed me quite a bit. I had to learn how to do a provisional cast on for the lace,short rows and button holes.
Ravelled here