25th March 2015

The black dog has returned. I feel so low,I don’t know what to do 

I can barely be bothered to get out of bed. My pain levels have been through the roof. 

I sorted some craft stuff on Saturday and ended up paying for it for 3 days. 

Even though hubby now has a new job and a higher pay rate we haven’t been able to get ahead. I cancelled the cortisone injection in my hip as we couldn’t afford it. We have been hit with so many bills,car and bike registration,the bike needed new tyres and brakes,a new fridge,a new vacuum,a new phone for both of the twins,$160 for a trial for DH with a cpap machine and then we will probably need to buy one. A new tyre for the car. I haven’t paid any of the school fees yet. I need to get the kittens desexed. We have Miss Lizzie’s 18 th birthday coming up then her formal. The tickets for that are expected to be about $120? 

Miss Annie hasn’t been well for ages.  She is tired all the time and often goes to bed at 5pm. She had blood tests done and there is nothing showing. The doctor thinks she may be depressed but I don’t think so. She has her doing a sleep and mood diary. 

Miss Mary had a cyst in her armpit last week. That was fun. A local and much pus and blood. Lots of pain and loss of movement for a few days. She was very brave but it was still nasty. 

Miss Lizzie has her year 12 trials on at the moment. So we rarely see her as she is studying like mad. 

I feel like I am drowning. 

Everything is annoying me. The girls talking,the kittens playing…..every little thing. 

I want to crawl into a hole and stay there. 

3rd March 2015. The day after

Well here I am,the day after my procedure.
I drank all the prep. It was revolting but after some tips from the web,I did ok. The main tips were,make the liquid really cold and have a lolly (candy) nearly to suck on between drinks.
We arrived at the hospital at 6.35am. The ward opened at 7am. They took our details and we waited.
About 9am they took me into another room and put in a cannula. I also put on one of those very sexy robes.
A bit later it was taken into the theatre,they got me to lie on my side and put 2 oxygen masks on me,don’t know why. The anaesthetist put a needle into the cannula and told me I might feel dizzy. The next thing I knew I was in recovery with a huge tube thing still in my mouth. They pulled that out for me and told me where I was.
I eventually sat up and they brought me something to eat. Rice crackers,butter and jam,yoghurt and juice. I ate it all.

Later one of the doctors came to see me to tell me that they hadn’t been able to do the procedure properly as my colon hadn’t been emptied and that I would need to come back on 1-3 months to have it done again with some different prep.
I got dressed and went out to hubby in the waiting room. I felt a bit spacey but ok. We walked to the car and drove home. This was about noon.
I got straight into bed as I wanted to go to sleep. This was not happening though. I went into shock and started shaking and I was freezing cold. I got hubby to get me some blankets and a heat bag. I eventually went to sleep but only after about an hour of full on body shakes and some painkillers.
The girls came home from school and came in for a chat.
I slept again until about 9pm. I got up and have a cup of tea and promptly vomited straight back up.
I went back to bed.
I got up about 1am for some pain killers and slept again until 11am.
I had some toast and jam(jelly) and a glass of water for breakfast.
I’m still pretty sore. I think they must have moved my hips around a bit trying to get the camera in.

The report for the upper GI endoscopy:
Hiatus hernia. Biopsied.
Multiple gastric polyps. Gastric plyorus and antral biopsy taken

Report for colonoscopy:
Preparation of colon was unsatisfactory.
One cm polyp in the ascending colon
No specimens taken.

27th February 2015.

Just 3 days to go until my procedure.
I’m starting my liquid diet tomorrow,I should starting on Sunday but I’ve heard it’s easier to start the day before you start the meds
Ice blocks and jelly have been made.
I’m as nervous as hell.
I feel shakey and nervous.
The girls have been primed.
Miss Annie wants updates during the day,when I got to theatre,when I’m in recovery,when I’m back on the ward.
I’m on the first list,which starts at 8am. I really hope I’m done early.
I don’t DO waiting terribly well.

I bought hubby a new sudoku book,I’m taking some washcloth knitting and a book to read to keep us amused.

I bought the girls a little treat to leave for them.

I’m not looking forward to the “preparation”. I’ve heard it can be hard. I don’t do abdominal pain very well. I can deal with any kind of pain,back,leg,head except abdo pain.

Paperwork arrived

The paperwork for my procedures ( colonoscopy & gastroscopy) today. For some reason it has really knocked me. I’m scared,really scared.

The date has also changed which is a pain,I let DH know ASAP.
I have to be there at 7am,which I expected.
The instructions for the lovely flush out are there too.
My least favourite part is no seeds,grains or nuts for a full week before the procedure. No nuts!!! OMG.
I am not looking for to it at all.
The flush out,the procedure,the recovery( I don’t do well after surgery,I tend to have nasty reactions to meds or I tend to bleed ) and of course, the outcome of the tests.
The flush out has me worried as my body tends to over react to anything like this so I can see myself sitting on the loo for the whole time before the procedure with me in a LOT of pain.
I’m scared,I’m a lot more scared than I was before the breast scans. The thought of bowel cancer is more terrifying than breast cancer. The possibility of needing a colostomy bag freaks me out.
I guess I’m just really scared. The next few weeks will not be pretty so I guess I will be writing here a bit so I don’t annoy the hell out of my family.

A very full week.

This week has has been huge and not all of it was good.
Sunday we discovered we had no hot water. As it was a long weekend here we didn’t get a plumber until Tuesday.

Having washes in the sink is not fun,esp for 3 teenage girls,but we managed.
Hot water was returned by Wednesday morning as we had to wait for the tank to fill and heat up. Right in time for Miss Lizzie’s for day in Year 12.

Tuesday night was very traumatic for us all as Miss Lizzie’s beloved rabbit Cappuccino passed away very suddenly in front of us all. One minute he was there,the next he was gone. We will all miss him terribly

While we were all very upset about Cappy,I got a shocking headache on the very top of my head. The pain was off the scale and I didn’t know whether to pass out or throw up. It was dreadful. My head is still sore. After a bit of investigation ,it seems it is called a ” thunderclap ” headache and rightly so. I’ll be speaking to my gp about it tomorrow.

Miss Lizzie returned to school,on Wednesday.

Miss Annie and Miss Mary went back to school on Thursday and both are pretty happy with their teachers.

The plumbers came back to finish of the job and we ended up with no hot water AGAIN until Saturday morning. It was very trying.

I had made an appointment to see a specialist after my positive fecal blood test. The appt was March 30th. After getting my test results ,they rang me with an appt on Friday. I have to say,I was pretty scared. I hadn’t asked to be put one cancellation list. My appt was at 12 noon. The doctor was lovely and I am booked in on the 3rd of March for a colonoscopy and a gastroscopy. Needless to say I’m worried.

On Saturday morning we went to a friend of Miss Mary’s to pick up these gorgeous critters
This is Miss Minerva

This is Loki

The plans for the kittens had been in place for a few weeks before Cappy passed away. They are a welcome distraction after losing Cappy.
We are keeping the kittens in Miss Mary’s room for a few dates to get them used to us and hopefully get the other cars used to them. When we brought them in from the car,Calypso took one look and hid in our wardrobe. Luna looked terrified but has since showed some interest.

Zeus,our black outdoor cat,has taken up residence a couple of houses up. We thought he had died as we hadn’t seen him for about 2 weeks. Miss Lizzie found him in their front yard. Seems they are feeding him and he has his own box on their porch. He is very reluctant to come home. I did suggest they stop feeding him so he will come home but obviously they haven’t.


Today I have been productive inspite of not going to sleep until 2am….ahhh insomnia you are not my friend.
Today I sorted out drink bottles and various lids for the new school year
I rang and made an appointment to see a specialists for my colonoscopy ( oh joy)
I tried to make an appointment with my pain clinic but they are closed until the 19th of February (I so hope I was mistaken and it’s the 19th of January )
I worked out a budget (we may be able to move sooner than 8 months!)
I made a list of the girls preferences for recess and lunches.
DH put the car in for a registration check and it passed !
So all in all,a very productive day!

A pic of my knitted Doctor Who mini scarf to use as ‘tinsel’ on our tree next Xmas. 140 inches/356 cms long. It’s about an inch/2.5 cm wide.


Today I am grateful for :
Sleeping in
Hot frothy coffee made by one of my girls
A comfortable bed
New comfy pants (thanks to Rivers)
Silly videos to laugh at
Silly cats who poke their tongues back out at you after you have done the same to them!
Homemade strawberry icecream
Finishing the first lot of Doctor Who scarf “tinsel” for next Xmas
Hubby treating me to some lovely wool
Our visiting kitties who love to smooch